Celebrities, we love them and love to hate them. Occasionally this hate is warranted, it’s based on the stupid things they’ve said or done — but sometimes a celebrity can just rub you the wrong way — and sometimes it’s just their face
And because a celebrity’s fist-tensing mug is usually on display everywhere
the hatred can go from simmer to a rapid boil in a heartbeat. I think the 2005 film The Weather Man
perfectly captures these feelings. In the film Nicolas Cage plays a disgruntled Chicago weatherman who suffers assaults from his viewing public, usually in form of flying soft drinks or hamburgers thrown from passing cars. Cage’s character ponders why this might be and decides it’s likely because he puts in little effort for a very large reward.
Sometimes it’s just that same overwhelming feeling that compels us to sneer instead of smile back at the star on the screen. In the mean spirit of the man on the couch, we’ve compiled a list of glamorous celebs who we just really want to punch in the face*!
1. Kim Kardashian
What’s not punch-worthy about this Kardashian face? One of the originators of the “famous for being famous” clan, Kim perhaps embodies all there is to loath about this new brand of celebrity. And now that’s she’s spawning future pawns for the empire’s endorsement deals with “Imma let you finish” ego monster Kanye West, it looks like we’re going to have to keep our fantasy gloves on forever.
2. Shia LaBeouf
Remember the sweet little kid from Even Stevens
? Yeah, neither do I, as I’m honestly in a blind rage right now due to how much I want to punch this guy. Paper bag or barefaced buddy, it’s your call. Yeah that’s right, my punch can break through even the strongest of papers!
3. Anne Hathaway
The late queen of mean, Joan Rivers, perfectly captured the feeling of millions in while during an appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman
, she stuck out her tongue and simply said, “blech!”
From whining about her own dramatic weight loss for Les Miserable
to her pre-rehearsed Oscar acceptance speech, Hathaway has not helped her own cause. Nationwide hatred for the actress even went viral at the time and inspired the anti-fan handle “Hathahaters”. Thank you Internet, thank you.
4. Bradley Cooper
I know, I’ll probably get some major flack for this one, but I’m sticking to my guns (fine, my bb guns). Sure, he seems like a decent guy in real life, but there is something about Bradley Cooper’s face that just makes me want to punch it.
Maybe it’s his roles as a major jerk in movies like Wedding Crashers
and He’s Just Not That Into You
. Who knows.
5. Gwyneth Paltrow
Is it because she’s a sanctimonious loudmouth, over-privileged white women with her blonde-haired, blue-eyed head up her butt?
Well, yes…yes that’s pretty much why. The goopy actress just recently punched herself in the face after she failed to complete the week long “Food Stamp Challenge,” giving up after only four days
6. Chris Brown
Perhaps it’s time for Chris Brown to get a taste of his own overly aggressive, misogynist medicine. Does violence cure violence? No, that’s why we would never actually raise our fists in fury to Brown’s face, but does that face still spark a little anger underneath all his redemption
and cute baby pics
, sure it does.
7. Keira Knightley
Similar to the Hathahaters (love it, so happy I got to use again), scores of people have taken to the Internet to express their distaste for Keira Knightley. A former roommate of mine could do a mean, but shockingly spot on impression of the constantly pouting actress and it gave me an alarming sense of sinister pleasure.
I think Guardian
columnist Emma Brockes got it right when she wrote scathingly about the actress being cast as Anna Karenina in 2012
. Brockes wrote, “…in part because of her jaw and the uses she puts it to, you are never in any doubt that you are watching Keira Knightley. It doesn’t matter what the role is…She is always just so Knightley
Yes, so Knightley that I might rightly want to set that jaw straight.
8. John Mayer
Lord of the douches, John Mayor has said some truly punch worth things, such as, “My two biggest hits are ‘Your Body Is a Wonderland’ and ‘Daughters.’ If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.”
Um, OK. But, seriously, whenever I hear that ‘Wonderland’ song, which is for some reason still on the radio 18 million times a day, my stomach turns and my fists clinch.
9. Kirsten Dunst
Kristen Dunst is another in a growing line of sneer-inducing actresses. Is it the dead-eyed stare she gives onscreen? Or is it the fact that she said the following during an interview with Harper’s Bazaar
UK: “I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued…sometimes, you need your knight in shining armour. I’m sorry. You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s why relationships work…’”
Yikes. Of course, lots of stars say equally dumb things and those things can be taken out of context to appear even dumber. But there’s just something about Dunst that just makes her so punch-worthy and makes statements like these add fuel to the punch fire.
10. Russell Crowe
Oh just stop it Russell Crowe, seriously, you and your buddy Alan Doyle of the band Great Big Sea, need to get in line for the dunk tank. Except instead of water waiting for you at the dunk, it’s my fists.
Who would be on your top ten list of celebs to pull punches on?
*TheHollywoodMag does not and would not ever act on this compulsion. These are and always will be fantasy punches. If we met these celebs in person not only would we not punch them in the face, we’d probably freeze up and then blather on about how beautiful and awesome they are. But, from behind the safety of our screens, we be mean.